


5 times Steve meets Tony Stark and thinks 'what the fuck?' + 1 time they meet and he actually says 'what the fuck?'

by mjstark



Category: Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: 5+1 Things, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - No Powers, First Meetings, Getting Together, Happy Tony Stark, Humor, M/M, POV Steve Rogers, Steve Rogers Has A Filthy Mouth, Steve Rogers and the 21st Century, Tony Being Tony, Tony is a little shit, author has a filthy mouth
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-28
Updated: 2017-12-28
Packaged: 2019-02-22 20:26:28
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,365
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13174578
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mjstark/pseuds/mjstark
Summary: 5 times Steve meets Tony Stark and thinks 'what the fuck?' + 1 time they meet and he actually says 'what the fuck?'





	5 times Steve meets Tony Stark and thinks 'what the fuck?' + 1 time they meet and he actually says 'what the fuck?'

1.

The first time Steve saw Tony Stark.

 

Steve Rogers slipped onto the seat of his motorbike, clipping his helmet on. He had nowhere to go. Nowhere to be. He sat there for a few minutes, waiting for inspiration. Waiting for something big to happen.

He didn’t expect something to _actually_ happen.

He could hear noises behind him. Loud voices and such - not unusual for New York. He turned in time to see a small, yelling hurricane coming at full speed towards him. Over the top of his head, Steve could see several other men also running and shouting, a few feet behind.

The man (boy?) took a running leap, landing on the back of Steve’s bike. It took a second or two for Steve to realize that he was the one being yelled out.

“Drive! Goddamn it, fucking drive drive drive! Fuuuuuuuuuuuck” His curse word was drawn out as Steve pulled away as quickly as possible, acting on pure instinct alone. His brain was racing almost as fast as he was driving, swerving in and out of the New York traffic for several minutes while his unexpected guest continued to swear and… laugh? in his ear. The man was barely sitting down. When he’d leapt, he’d landed more on Steve’s back than the seat and had clung there, not loosening his grip until Steve slowed down to a stop.

“Okay, thanks man. Owe you one.” Sliding off the bike and saluting sloppily in Steve’s direction, the man shot him a lopsided grin before turning and running off. Steve just stared and watched him go.

What the fuck?

 

 

2.

The second time Steve saw Tony Stark

 

 

The bar was getting louder and louder. Exponentially so. Among the din, some distinct curse words could be heard as well as the sound of something smashing.

Ugh, bar fights.

“Wanna bail? There’s a cool new bar, like two blocks over.” Steve nodded at Bucky’s words, very happy to get away from a drastically escalating fight. The crowd was bustling right next to them, and the yelling was increasing. They drained their glasses and stood, beginning to scooch towards the exit. Steve quickly re-assessed the situation and realized that the fight was in full swing.

On the table next to him, someone was stood, laughing manically, and punching anyone that came near.

That is, until someone flipped the table and sent him flying.

Straight. Into. Steve.

“Son of a bitch!” A voice said from on top of him. It was said laughingly- this idiot did not seem at all phased. Steve opened his eyes to glare, but it transformed into pure, unadulterated surprise when he got an eyeful of messy black hair and an asymmetrical smile.

Fucking bike guy. He seemed to recognize Steve as well, as his grin widened.

“Oh, hey! Bike guy!” He shoved himself up off of Steve’s chest and ran a hand through his hair, "Good to see ya" He said, flashing him a wink before turning and disappearing into the crowd.

“What the hell was that?” Bucky asked, helping Steve up and opening the door to freedom. Steve only shrugged in response because, honestly, he had no idea.

What the fuck?

 

 

3

The third time Steve met Tony Stark

 

Steve sat waiting. Goddamn Bucky taking 3 hours in the bathroom. Who pees in the bathroom at a concert anyway? It’s New York, just go in the damn street.

Okay, so Steve was a bit drunk. Some guy was arguing loudly with his friend next to him. At least, he thinks he’s arguing. It was loud, and he was gesticulating dramatically. He was also laughing. That laugh was so… familiar?

“OW” Steve yelled. What the fuck? His hand whipped to his nose, why does it hurt so bad? He spun violently, searching for his attacker.

“OH FUCK I AM SO SORRY MAN WHAT THE HELL” Steve’s eyes focused in on his abuser. Tan skin and wild eyes met his own.

“You!” Steve tried to yell, but the blood coming out of his nose was a bit of a distraction. He looked at the man opposite him, who was still gesticulating randomly as he spoke. In the half-light, Steve could catch the sight of his expressions. He was clearly trying to hide a smile, and the laughter was pathetically buried in his words.

“Yes! It’s me! Are you alright? I just fucking punched you in the face.” Bike guy dismissed him with another wave of his ever moving hands.

“No, it’s _you_. You’re bike guy” Steve shoved his fussing hands away and looked him in the eyes. He saw the recognition click at the same time that he saw a car pull up behind bike guy. The window rolled down and a girl with dark red hair leaned out and yelled.

“Oh shit. It’s you! Fucking hell, I owe you, like, three times now.” Bike guy was talking a mile a minute and Steve struggled to hear him over the sound of the girl in the car. “Natasha, I’m fucking coming! Look I really gotta go, I am so sorry I did not mean to punch you in the face, Jesus Christ. Okay. Sorry again. Bye bike guy”

Steve watched, holding his nose, as the guy turned and ran towards the car and dove in. As they drove past, he leaned out and apologized again, vowing to make it up to him.

What are the damn chances?

What the fuck?

 

4

The fourth time Steve sees Tony Stark, he thinks “This is getting fucking ridiculous”

 

Its 2 am and Steve is, begrudgingly, awake. His stupid cat was making so much noise in his living room apparently breaking everything he possibly could. He waited another few minutes. When the crashing did not cease, he tore himself out of bed. Stupid idiot cat. He stumbled in, rubbing his eyes and flicking the light switch.

“What the FUCK” Steve startled to attention. Right there, standing in front of him, was goddamn Bike Guy.

Absolutely stark naked.

“Mother of fuck!” He responded. This was… This was getting ridiculous.

“What… are you… doing?” Steve didn’t know what else to say, he was so busy a) trying to comprehend what the hell was going on and b) trying not to stare at Bike Guy’s very tanned, very toned, very wet body.

“I… This isn’t Barton’s apartment is it…” Bike Guy stood there, dripping all over his carpet, swaying slightly.

“No! No! Fucking Clint’s apartment!! Is next one over!! Did you… Did you break into my apartment?”

“Yes! I thought it was Clint’s” Bike guy offered as an explanation. He was heading towards the door, keeping the McDonalds cup over his penis by way of preserving his dignity.

“I- What-“ Steve stammered. What, what, was going on? Why did this guy keep getting hurled into his life for brief, chaotic, periods of time?

“No time to explain. Gotta find Clint. Sorry about your window!” Bike guy opened the door and spun around. Just before it slammed shut again, their eyes connected. “Hey! You’re bike guy!”

And then he was gone. Steve glanced at his smashed window, before slumping down, giving up, and going back to bed.

“Fucking surreal.” He muttered.

What the fuck?

 

 

5.

The fifth time Steve meets Tony Stark, he’s not even surprised anymore.

 

Steve was at the stupid bank.Steve hated banks.

So, therefore, obviously, of course, evidently, clearly, on today of all days, there had to be a damn bank robbery.

These stupid criminals had no respect for other peoples’ itineraries.

“Everybody get down! Hands on your head! Nobody moves or you’ll be shot!” Steve obediently did as he was told with the rest of them, too pissed off to be properly scared. There was some obligatory intimidating gunfire, which pissed Steve off even more. Didn’t these people care? He had a damn headache.

Being a hostage sucked, Steve decided.

They stayed there being threatened for twenty minutes before some idiot had to go and antagonize the bloody bank robbers.

“Hey, look, man, as fun as this, I got about 8 places I gotta be. Also, I have ice cream in my car y’know? Like Ben and Jerry’s stuff, not that own-brand crap. I know you got a villain thing going and it’s very impressive and all but I am bored out of my mind and also hungover to hell and back. Can we go? We don’t have to be here to watch you rob the bank. I get it, I really do, okay, down with the capitalists and all. I wanna go home.” Steve knew that voice. That stupid, stupid voice. This had to be a joke.

“Get back on the ground now or I’ll shoot!” The masked man started yelling and Steve turned instinctively to see what was happening, along with the rest of the hostages. As fate would have it, there he stood, that stupid little man with his mess of dark hair, looking hungover as hell, true to his word. What the hell was he doing???

“Look, uh, man. Kevin. Can I call you Kevin?” Steve watched in horror as Bike Guy walked closer to the man with the gun. The other robbers were distracted with… robbing or whatever. Bike Guy was there, talking a mile a minute as Steve had learned to expect, dressed in a massive red t-shirt and black jeans, no shoes. This is it, Steve thought, this is the last sign that I needed. I’m moving out of New York and into the forest to live alone forever.

“No! Get back on the ground!” The gun was jerked violently but stupid idiot Bike Guy didn’t even flinch. Just inched closer. Involuntarily, Steve stood up. No one noticed.

“Uh huh, uh huh, you got it” Steve watched as Bike Guy lurched forward and smacked the masked robber with his left hand, grabbing the gun with his other. In that split second that followed, Steve took another step, drawing Bike Guy’s attention. Their eyes met and Steve watched as this lunatic cracked another crooked smile. “Oh, it’s you! How are you doing?"

The absurdity of the question, of the situation, of the fact that he’d just witnessed a bank heist plan crumble because one of them got slapped, all stunned Steve long enough to give Bike Guy time to swing around and fire, with alarming precision, at every single fire extinguisher in the building and yelling at everyone to ‘run goddamn it!’

The sound and visuals of fire extinguishers exploding into white clouds jerked Steve out of his stupor. Everyone was yelling and screaming and running and Bike guy was grabbing Steve and running down the road and what the hell. “See ya later man!” Steve caught a flash of dark skin and cheeky smile before Bike guy was gone. Steve continued running.

What the ever loving fuck?

 

 

\+ 1

The time Tony Stark and Steve Rogers meet for real.

 

 

Steve heard his front door open and he sighed. If Bucky wanted to go and do something he was screwed.

He stayed laying on the sofa, his bag of Doritos had spilled all over his chest so he was just eating them by leaning his head down and sticking his tongue out until he managed to get one. Minimum effort. It was perfect.

When someone scooped one off his left boob and flopped down over his legs, Steve looked over because apparently Bucky had halved in weight.

“WHAT THE FUCK?” Steve bolted up. “What the fuck are you doing here?” Bike Guy shrugged.

“Door was open” Steve stared at him for a long, long, long time. Then he sighed, deeply, flopped back down.

“How did you find where I live?” He retrained his eyes on the TV.

“Been here before, remember?” Steve did remember. Very clearly. He had just assumed that Bike Guy would not. “Anyway, I stole a ride on your bike, knocked you over, broke your window, your nose, and into your apartment. So I guess I’m sort of coming to make things up to you?”

“Oh yeah?”

“Yeah” Bike guy picks up another dorito.

“How?” Steve looked at the man sat on his legs, for the first time in good lighting and good timing. He was a few years younger than Steve. Maybe 20? He was watching the TV, brown eyes, dark eyebrows and messy hair. He looked over at Steve, his face splitting into that lopsided smile that Steve was learning to both love and fear.

“I’m going to take you on a date, if you’ll let me.” Steve stared for a few seconds, trying to find it in him to be surprised or shocked or any normal reaction other than a weird mix of resigned and happy.

And afraid.

“Can I be forewarned of what will happen? I don’t know if I trust you with surprises?”

“Uh-“

“I don’t even know your name,”

“Well, if you come with me, maybe you’ll find out.” Despite the ‘maybe’, Steve nodded, keeping eye contact with the weirdest person he’d ever met.

“Great! Get up and get a coat.”

“Where are we going?” Steve accepted the hand up and stood facing Bike Guy, who was already heading towards the door.

“Haven’t decided yet. It’ll be fun though, I promise.” Steve didn’t doubt it for a second, despite the man’s obviously questionable sense of ‘fun’. He was practically gone, leaving Steve to scramble to grab a coat and brush of the doritos and follow him. Just before the door shut, he heard someone call out “I’m Tony by the way. Tony Stark.”

"What the fuck?" 

 

 

\+ 1 (Bonus)

Steve smiled at the brunet asleep in his lap. These times… these times were so rare. Tony’s face was soft and relaxed, all of the usual mania that Tony seemed to carry with him was drained away and Steve was left with a gentle, sleeping boy. He ran his fingers through the mess of dark curls, fingers catching on the tangles. His own little hurricane, now splayed out and snoring slightly. Steve would never dream of taming him, couldn’t even if he wanted to.

Tony Stark was chaos in his own right and Steve fucking loved it.

 


End file.
